Music to listen to while reading: Ong Namo by Snatam Kaur
Today I no longer want to accept life as it is.
Today I do not want to live the present.
Today I do not want to accept the past nor the suffering.
Today I revolt against life, against everything it presents to me, against my present moment, no longer satisfied with what life offers me.
Life today offers me only restrictions, where I am forced to live within rules and systems pre-established for me, just as it is for all mankind.
Only, the difference is that humanity certainly does not cultivate this feeling of revolt that exists within me at that moment. I revolt against the system !!!!!!
I revolt against the rules, which bind us to a life of restraint and difficulties.
I no longer want to fill my life with useless pastimes of matter, which are not filled with feeling and life!
I no longer see any reason to smile in this routine life that is part of my present and my reality. But that is actually illusory, I know. But how to get rid of this illusion ?!
I rebel against all these rules. I can no longer bear the explanations that are given to me, saying that I must accept my present, learn from the present moment that is a gift from God.
I rebel against all this! I want to change my gift! I want change now! I do not want to wait and feel this dissatisfaction with everything that matter presents!
The subject only presents restrictions. All the temptations and illusory satisfactions we have are momentary and lying. For deceive us, keeping us as robots programmed to lead an incomplete life.
I do not want to have an incomplete life! I no longer accept this life, the way it presents itself!
I want to change everything, rummage in the pot, mess things up around me!
I want to scream and break everything that exists in my life! I do not want anything else!
I want to get rid of all this!
Why do I attach myself to restrictive life, lack of time to do what I love?
Why do I attach myself to this life? Why am I involved in an illusion that I need to pay the bills? What do I need money to live for ?!
Has any teacher ever taught me that?
I can no longer see life the way the masters present it. Full of facilities and lightness. I see opportunities to take our whole routine with love and light, no matter where we are inserted, but I also see the hard life that so many take to be able to accept this reality.
This reality is hard. The reality that presents itself in the life of all humanity is of restriction and lack, of fear, of dread of not having a job, of being excluded from a group, of being robbed, of being killed, fear, fear, fear!
I can not stand the fear taking over my life!
I put it out now!
In my life I will not be afraid anymore, I will not be afraid of being happy anymore, I will not be afraid to sleep at dawn because I feel like writing.
Today I heard from a person, a very dear evangelical girl, who put me through more than an hour of torture session, when I made microblanding of the eyebrows. She was a sweet and wise girl from a church called Snowball.
She told me a few words as I prepared for the torture session, which a pastor told her. She told me that in order to find the answer of why we are in this life, we just need to look at what makes us smile, what makes us suffer, and what excites us.
Just that, see that simple. Because life is simple. Before the eyes of an innocent and dear girl. Who has heard this and has absorbed the teaching, and seeks to apply it in her own life.
What a sweet thing to observe, to observe these people who look from afar and seem to be so innocent and simple, but who in a few words show great wisdom. She lives in a simple neighborhood in a metropolitan area of a big city. She told me these wise words before the moment of torture.
And at the moment of the first needled, that's when I thought! Wow! What a regret! My friends deceived me by saying that this business did not hurt. But it's alright. I stood to the end, tearfully, and begged her to stop, hahhaha. Trying to convince her it was all right for me to stop suffering.
And look. My friends fooled me. They told me it did not hurt this microblanding thing. And then I went, with courage and strength. I felt pain, yes! I felt great! But when there is no one to cultivate fear in us, we end up throwing ourselves in life with courage.
And I, afraid to play myself in life, in the experiences that present themselves. That I am afraid, even in the face of so many teachings that I receive, of following them. I'm so scared to do what makes me smile. To leave a little aside what makes me suffer. And to seek within me what excites me. I was letting all this be consumed by fear.
Great wise this girl who does microblanding eyebrow, who showed me a new side of life.
She does not realize how much people can change their lives from a simple experience, and how their walk, just doing their work, without expectation, ends up helping people to reflect and rethink about their lives.
For to free ourselves from the fear that consumes us and keeps us apart from what makes us smile, we only have to play without letting ourselves be consumed by fear. Without giving ear to those who try to cultivate fear. We should just empty our minds and play ourselves in what makes us happy.
My dear friend who told me that microblanding did not hurt, it was the person who threw the seed, so that I could throw myself into the experience, just looking ahead, on the horizon, the future that was forming, and that made me smile. Because I knew I would look beautiful!
She showed me the happy future, and gave me courage saying not to be afraid. And it was just that I needed to dive into the experience with courage. Where I suffered yes, a lot, but now it's over, and I'm smiling happily with my beautiful eyebrow. And the only thing that would keep me from smiling would be fear, if I had given him a chance to manifest.
So this is mine and our life. We get carried away by fear. We do not listen to those who throw the seed by encouraging us to throw ourselves into the experiences. We close our eyes and intuition to the signs that life brings us, showing us that it is not necessary to be afraid. But that yes, from the moment that we throw ourselves in the experience of the life, without the cultivation of the fear, we will find the moment of the final smile.
The road to full smile may be painful, but it will definitely bring us happiness.
Those motives to smile, those few moments of our lives, can turn into a unique state of fullness and happiness. And do not restrict yourself to just a few short moments among so many others of suffering.
What makes us stay in life taking our days as a roller coaster of suffering and smiles is only fear. It is the lack of the look inside of us, the lack of discovering ourselves internally, which is the awakening of feeling. As the pastor told the girl, and she told me, we need to find out what makes us smile, what makes us suffer, and what awakens our emotions.
When we look inside ourselves at every emotional awakening, we will shed tears, which may seem to be the suffering manifesting itself. But when we go deeper to discover the real reason for the awakening of emotion, we see that suffering is just the lack of smiling.
What is missing is to transform life into more moments of smiling. To discover what makes us smile, and to work so that this moment becomes more present in our lives, through the internal awakening, of looking at our feelings.
How am I now? Guess what! Smiling !!!!!!
After going through all this experience and coming home in suffering, not understanding what was going on inside me, I just started writing with the thought that I do not care that it's late, or that I have to wake up early tomorrow, or That I have to receive the answers of the Ask the Masters even today, but rather I threw myself on the computer to write. I put all those words there, and then finally draw a beautiful smile on my face. That was not drawn on the needle like microblanding, but that was drawn with the heart, and that I will work to become permanent in my life.
For the smile that we draw with the heart becomes eternal for us, so I hope.
Thank you all for being with me and being part of my experience.
Michele Martini - March 21, 2017